A BOLD PLAN FOR A TOWN THAT'S TAKEN TOO MANY TURNS
IT'S TIME TO
STRAIGHTEN
WESTON OUT.
Winding roads. Crooked lines. Evasive answers. Slouching lawn signs. Enough. Weston deserves leadership with one simple principle: straight is straighter.
No left turns. No right turns. Forward.
RECTILINEAR
THE CRISIS
WESTON HAS LOST
THE STRAIGHT AND NARROW.
We conducted an exhaustive investigation using a clipboard, a level, and at least one yardstick. The findings were impossible to ignore.
Curves continue to bend. Corners keep turning. Politicians answer questions with more than one sentence. Even some decorative landscaping appears suspiciously rounded.
Other campaigns offer complicated solutions. We offer a line.
THE STRAIGHT AGENDA
SIX POINTS.
ZERO CURVEBALLS.
Our platform is simple enough to fit on a ruler. Every proposal advances the same historic objective: a more direct, upright, properly aligned Weston.
Straight Roads
Every unnecessary bend deserves scrutiny. We will establish a bipartisan Commission on Curvature with full access to municipal protractors.
Straight Talk
Questions deserve answers. Preferably short ones. Campaign officials will be encouraged to use nouns, verbs, and an identifiable point.
Straight-A Schools
We support excellence, neat margins, properly aligned equations, and report cards that sit perfectly level on the refrigerator.
Straight Posture
Stand tall, Weston. Municipal chairs will have backs. Podiums will be level. Slouching during civic ceremonies will be strongly frowned upon.
Straight Priorities
First things first. Second things second. No more solving Problem Seven before Problem Three unless Problem Three is on a curve.
End Crooked Politics
We cannot promise perfect government. We can promise that every flowchart will use 90-degree connectors and all pie charts are under review.
Some say the world isn't black and white. Fine. Ours is red, white, and blue — and arranged in a straight line.
PRESS ROOM
THE LATEST
FROM THE LINE.
Official statements from an organization with no office, no candidate, and an alarming commitment to geometric consistency.
Campaign Unveils 12-Point Plan to Eliminate Unnecessary Curves
Early priorities include roads, rhetoric, garden hoses, and one particularly troubling cul-de-sac.
MWSA Receives Coveted Endorsement From Local Ruler
“Twelve inches of unwavering principle,” campaign officials said.
Internal Poll: Straight Lines Overwhelmingly Prefer Straightness
The campaign called the findings “the clearest mandate in modern geometry.”
JOIN THE MOVEMENT
STAND UP.
STRAIGHTEN OUT.
GET IN LINE.
No information is transmitted. This form exists entirely for the bit.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
ASK US
STRAIGHT.
Is Weston currently straight?
We refuse to engage in reckless speculation. That is precisely why we commissioned a blue-ribbon panel and bought fourteen rulers.
What exactly does “straight” mean?
Roads. Answers. Posture. A's. Priorities. Lines. It means whatever this paragraph needs it to mean, provided it can be checked with a level.
Are you against left turns?
And right turns. We are courageously taking no side in the turn wars.
Can I donate?
No. Please keep your money. We have already exceeded our ruler budget.
Is this an actual political campaign?
No. This is a parody website. It is not affiliated with any candidate, campaign, political party, government, PAC, municipality, or sentient measuring device.